i just don't understand why would i be with someone who doesn't seem to appreciate me? he has problems or any difficulties, i tried being there for him even though i have loads of problems myself. i don't see any contribution of any sorts from him. i'm having major examinations at the moment but i'm still trying so hard to accommodate him. why can't he do the same for me? he seems to be enjoying life while i'm slaving it out. is it so hard for him to just accompany me one day when i'm freaking accompanying him the whole time? why do i have to contribute to something that doesn't seem to benefit me? i'm just so freaking retarded. yes. i'm such a sicko. i'm a stupid, soft-hearted girl. i should just be really bad and do things that is so not me. why be like a lamb and get eaten up by the wolf instead? i could be the fox and fight the wolf. now, all i can do is just focus on my study. but, i'm so afraid of failure. can i do it? it seems like i couldn't understand what i read. i don't aim for any As or Bs. i just want to get a pass/credit. i'm tired of everything. i put all burdens on myself and cried silently inside. i can speak to no one. i can't find anyone suitable to speak to at the moment. it is not that i don't have any good friends. it is just that i don't think i should tell any of this to them. firstly, it is hard to explain. secondly, i don't have much energy to complain. thirdly, i think i shall just keep them to myself. is it so difficult to be happy? i think i'm happier during my single life. but to be single now, is not easy anymore. cuz i've put too much hope and had loved too much to let it go. i'm retarded, that's all i can say.
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